who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
