Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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