i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
