Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Randomize
