Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
