Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
