Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
my being single is dangerous.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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