As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Randomize
