now i know why i became what i already was.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
