NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
