kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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