I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
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