Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Randomize
