Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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