Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I just blew my weed a kiss
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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