Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
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