dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
