Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
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