I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
