It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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