Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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