I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Did you just see the Batmobile???
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
