Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
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