Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
