eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
