i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
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