did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
