i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
