I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Randomize
