god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
