i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
