i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
