it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
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