Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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