Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
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