I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
