the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
