OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
