absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
