Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
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