Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
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