He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
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