I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Someone came in the potted fern
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
