We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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