Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Randomize
