I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
