Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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