How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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