woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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