i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
These tits shall not be calmed
Randomize
