Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
do nipples grow back?
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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